Just Trans* Things

[Seannery]

So, after a long day of---well, that's beside the point, but---sitting down with a beer, I spilled a bit on my shirt, and, looking down, I wondered when do they come in.. the mail? I meant the real things, not pads/inserts.
---haven't started hormones yet, because reasons.

[BigDamnHero]

What sort of things are you doing to feel more in-tune with your gender in the meantime? Piercings, makeup, wardrobe?

[Seannery]

What sort of things are you doing to feel more in-tune with your gender in the meantime? Piercings, makeup, wardrobe?

Nothing, really. I think it's just a body thing for me. I've noticed cognitive improvements when I do `tucking'---I say improvements, and I used to think that was the normal level of cognition, but I'm starting to think that this is normal, and that was dull; since I started tucking, I've done it ever day except two---those two days, I found thinking nigh-impossible, like, how did I ever do it before.
I got a fancy new name that I like. Two actually---one for these forums, one in-the-flesh---but I haven't actually used my new real real name yet. Because reasons, again. Not sure I wanna say the reasons. I don't mind the questions, though---I can always not answer.
An acquaintance of mine is clueless about gender, and also about my tastes---they gave me some floral drapes that I hate, but I'm stingy and they do block the window light perfectly. There's at least two layers of irony there, not counting the bar they're hanging from.

[τ > π]

In primary-school, I knew a girl. Not well. My last year, she transitioned. I heard her name. Once. I know it. Heard her deadname often. Never said either.
I dreamed: Primary-school. Stairwell. She's there. Wearing a dress. Frilly. White. Pretty girl. Teary-eyed. I tried comforting her. Massaging her shoulders/arms. "It's OK, deadname. It'll be better, soon. I promise. I'll make it better." She bawled. I continued deadnaming. D:
Gender-affirming: Hairdressing. Manicure. "Body-positive" videos. Clunky boots. Are cute. Not manly. At all. Panties. Were exciting. Erotic. Are normal. Boy pants X:
Questions? Ask. I'll answer. If I want.

[Seannery]

Clunky boots. Are cute. Not manly. At all.

Omigod yess. I know exactly that, like.. those cute bulky shoes stereotypically seen on anime schoolgirls' little legs, except scaled up to fit the `boy' leg model. Now imagining a pair of boy legs, in briefs, and clunky boots.. topless, too :sexyface:

"It's OK, deadname. It'll be better, soon. I promise. I'll make it better." She bawled. I continued deadnaming. D:

D: indeed. Are you feeling better?

---

So here's a thing: I have height dysphoria. I'm not just taller than I'd like to be, but I am taller than most men. Not by much, but one thing I have noticed, otherwise, is that many things, aren't adapted for my size. Luckily, my proportions are, at least, standard, so I don't have problems like shirts being too long or too wide. But it poses the question: is my height dysphoria gender-based, or because, other than clothes, nothing fits? I'm inclined to think it's gender-based, because of all the other things---rule of parsimony and all that. But think of it: I don't like wide beds, but I can't sleep on anything but king-size, diagonally. Screw standardization, give me a longer twin-size---if only bedding weren't already overpriced. Maybe I should be a bit less stingy.. Or leg-room, in cars or planes---head-room, too.

[τ > π]

I'm acclimated. To dreams. Nightmares. 1st-person horror. Feeling better.
Her dress. Invidious. TODO: Sartorialism.
How sleep basketballers?

[τ > π]

I've moved: From the United States of Dysphoria. To the Euphorean Union. (Metaphorically.) Were it so easy! Alleviating dysphoria. For me, seems is: A couple pills, (semi) daily. Who knew? Should have told me!

Thanx: Mae; You told. Thanx: Insurance; You're paying. (Thanx: Me; You listened.)


I wonder: What's more? If anything.

[Darktyger]

Mae, I want to thank you so much. I've only within the past couple years come to figure out I'm not CIS. And while I was already examining myself to find where I stand, Mae's story has been a BIG help along that way. Not the only one, but she gave me a boost. I'd settled on nonbinary for a while, but realize that's only because it was "safe" compared to the "scarier" option. I guess I'm not a straight guy like I thought I was. I'm a big, butch, stupid lesbian. XD

One of the hangups is....I have no interest in skirts, dresses, or makeup. Like, okay, I can't be that girly not wanting to DRESS like a girl, right? Then I learned that "tomboy trans women" are a thing. So, that's out the window. XD

[auntmousie]

Darktyger, we have made a forum for transfolk - you're by no means required to restrict these topics to that location, but I'm thinking you might need an invit.

[WhiteWolf]

I'd settled on nonbinary for a while, but realize that's only because it was "safe" compared to the "scarier" option. I guess I'm not a straight guy like I thought I was. I'm a big, butch, stupid lesbian. XD

Hi... this is me, too... I think. I've considered myself Gender Fluid for years now, tipping back and forth between Male and Female, sometimes tilting hard one way or the other. I simply did things to try and keep myself in balance; Male iRL, Female online. My realspace self with a rumbling baritone, a scruffy beard (though Mae's internal dialogue between her Ego and Id... the line of "You don't about your appearance because you don't identify with yourself!". That hit hard.), then my online self, friend's calling me a chosen pronoun for the day (She/Her for long periods, with He/Him occasionally), Female characters in MMOs (Starting back in Everquest) and on SecondLife.

But, like you said... maybe because it's a safe option?
But then, is my enjoyment of my voice, my beard, is that just my Ego trying to keep me safe? What about the fact I literally started looking into beard grooming supplies, to try and make myself... presentable?
I'm so confused. T.T

[Blackjack]

Gender, like most of the human experience, is a big ol' hot mess of simplicity-resisting trends and exceptions. Labels are super handy and convenient when they fit, but that's all they are: handy.

Don't worry about which camp you're in. Instead just focus entirely on what's best for you, and remember that is allowed to change at any time, for any reason you like. Do and be whatever makes you the most happy and comfortable.

That being said, there are plenty of transfolk who don't feel the need to go 'all-in'. There are plenty who don't change their voice. Some don't get dysphoria from their voice and don't care, while others are strongly attached to their original voice and don't want to lose it.
Though less common, there are transwomen who keep their facial hair simply because they like it and feel it's a part of them.

In short: Disregard labels, acquire the elements of whatever identity spectrum you like into a composition that best fits you.

[WhiteWolf]

.... I am both attracted to, and horrifically terrified of the thought of keeping the voice and beard while going more female.
Legit I don't know how to feel about it....

In other news, I shaved my legs. Somewhat. Only to the knee. I.... think I like it.

[Blackjack]

Just remember that there's absolutely no rush to anything when it comes to discovering your own identity. You just go at whatever pace you're comfortable with, there's no finish line to race to. Occassionally pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can be very englightening though.

Also, having smooth legs is fabulous in general, I approve.

[WhiteWolf]

I have a small (well.... not so small) rant/vent/worry, and I'm debating if I should start a new thread, or just continue in this one.
But also, what kind of medical professional do I reach out to about.... well, starting the physical journey? My GP? A psychologist/therapist? I figure not an Endocrin.... whatever the end part is.... since that's for hormones, so that's later. And probably a referral.

[Blackjack]

Depends a lot what country you're from. I can only talk about the UK, which is a frustratingly long process.
In general though, your GP is a good first port of call. In the UK you can ask your GP to refer you to a GIC, or you can self-refer (which I recommend because GP referrals can be hit-and-miss).
If you are in the UK I highly, highly recommend considering going private at first. GIC waiting lists are currently 5+ years before you even talk to anyone. You can start private and then, if your GP is on board, move onto shared-care where you get a lot of stuff done through the NHS.

Whichever country you're from though, I garauntee there's resources available on the internet of what the process is from transfolk who have gone through it.