Back on the market

[Rorschach]

Not your fault at all man, I was pretty damn quiet about it, things were hard for a few months, playing things close to the chest, etc. Avoiding a play-by-play description, we got through the preliminary hearing and a trial date scheduled, but then worked things out and started getting back together. Been living together again since February. (Our relationship had been started on a rough foundation, given we found out she was pregnant two months in. Hopefully we're setting things up right this time.)

But yeah, suffice to say, I feel you on that initial separation and establishing a new normal.

Oh hey. I didn't realise you were back together. That's great news. And forearmed is forewarned, I guess, If you know the missteps you made last time, you're going to be more conscious of not making them this time around.

And congratulations on the baby. The ultimate display of wang dominance.

[Rorschach]

If anyone is considering a life of celibacy, I can’t say hand-on-heart I recommend it.

[FirebirdNC]

I'm sure it's a temporary condition. I was going to add a snarky/funny comment then thought it would be mean to kick a man while he was down. Then I remembered who I was talking to and thought that might be considered foreplay and given your current state of mind I 100% won't be making fun of you lol. No need to encourage the horny Scot.

[auntmousie]

If anyone is considering a life of celibacy, I can’t say hand-on-heart I recommend it.

I've been mostly-celibate since my wife's first bout with cancer, and any hope I had of eventually rekindling things died when the cancer came back a year and a half ago. Metastatic. She's running out of time, and barely has the energy to walk around the house.

I'm very conscious and very terrified of the prospect of being a widow in my 40s. The prospect of maybe getting laid again someday isn't really enough to change that.

Which is not to say I'm not looking forward to it. People are complicated things.

[FirebirdNC]

If anyone is considering a life of celibacy, I can’t say hand-on-heart I recommend it.

I've been mostly-celibate since my wife's first bout with cancer, and any hope I had of eventually rekindling things died when the cancer came back a year and a half ago. Metastatic. She's running out of time, and barely has the energy to walk around the house.

I'm very conscious and very terrified of the prospect of being a widow in my 40s. The prospect of maybe getting laid again someday isn't really enough to change that.

Which is not to say I'm not looking forward to it. People are complicated things.

That is really super shitty for both of you. My husband and I recently had this conversation about what would happen if one of us was no longer able/capable of having sex. He has a higher drive than I do and I told him I wouldn't expect him to be celibate. However, I wouldn't want to know anything about it at all. So while I understand that can be a basic need I also relate to the people are complicated. That is a very tough situation all around .

[Rorschach]

If anyone is considering a life of celibacy, I can’t say hand-on-heart I recommend it.

I've been mostly-celibate since my wife's first bout with cancer, and any hope I had of eventually rekindling things died when the cancer came back a year and a half ago. Metastatic. She's running out of time, and barely has the energy to walk around the house.

I'm very conscious and very terrified of the prospect of being a widow in my 40s. The prospect of maybe getting laid again someday isn't really enough to change that.

Which is not to say I'm not looking forward to it. People are complicated things.

Christ, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I was to read that. I guess my situation is a very watered-down version of what you're going through but I see similarities nonetheless. I had no plans of being single again in my 40s. What the hell are we supposed to do with that? Visit the local discotheques? Boating on the river? Barn dances?

I have genuinely no idea.

But there is a certain animalistic necessity to grieving. Hearts and boners are very different things. I have dipped my toes into dating sites - not that I'd dream of doing anything about it at the moment, but just to see how grim things might get in the future. I can't say I'm looking forward to that.

One of my friends is, as we would say in Scotland, a dirty bastard. He and his wife...'play'..I think is the modern term they prefer. You know. Pampas grass in the front garden. That kind of thing. It's a depressing inevitability that I'm going to end up shagging one or both of them out of total skin hunger. And what a jizz-hangover that is going to be the very split-second I'm done.

Bad times, man.

[Deacon]

https://youtu.be/6M4_Ommfvv0

[Martin Blank]

I had no plans of being single again in my 40s. What the hell are we supposed to do with that? Visit the local discotheques? Boating on the river? Barn dances?

At the caber tosses. Duh.

[Rorschach]

Finally. A fifth offer accepted. A house.

Know those plaques at your front door that say the name of your house? I'm going to get one that says 'Sordid little grief hole'.

[Martin Blank]

Is gifting a Scotsman a bottle of Scotch for moving into a new home polite or stereotyping?

[auntmousie]

Is gifting a Scotsman a bottle of Scotch for moving into a new home polite or stereotyping?

Honestly, even if it's stereotyping, it's still Scotch...

[Rorschach]

So moving day is next Friday. We've been putting it off and putting it off, but this is the weekend we'll need to tell the kids.

Anyone have any tips? They're almost 12 and almost 4.

[raptor9k]

Oof. My only advice is make sure they know it's not their fault, they are loved, and you will always be there for them. It helps that you seem to have a mostly amicable split without the usual animosity. At 4 I don't know that he will even fully comprehend the changes until you actually move out. Your daughter will, and may even see it coming if she's observant or has friends that have gone through a divorce. You'll all get through it, but the next little bit will suck for everyone until a new norm is established. Spend as much time as you can with them, especially over the next few months. Good luck.

[Rorschach]

Wise words, my man.

Thank you.

[FirebirdNC]

I'm with Raptor on this one. My kids were 5 and 7 when I split with their dad. We sat down with them and let them know while we wouldn't be together they were our number one priority and our goal was to make things as stress-free as possible. It sucked and I had to answer difficult questions from the 7-year-old, but in the end, they knew they were loved by both of us and we made an effort to not drag them into any of our drama (which was fairly low key all things considered). There were a lot of adjustments for all parties but we made the best of it and I for one was much happier with my life and that goes a long way. I wish you luck in this difficult life change. Your kids will take it in stride better than you think they bounce a lot easier than we do lol. Don't forget your health is important too!