Back on the market

[Rorschach]

And in my time-honoured tradition, I come to you guys first with my big news rather than speaking to anyone in RL.

I guess this would have been a journal entry back in the day but they're all locked up.

So as of last Sunday, I'm single again. Hold on a second, ladies.

It's been a long time coming and with the benefit of hindsight, I think we knew it even before we knew it. We were never really that compatible; we got on fine but no more than that. We were just a bit 'meh' generally. I think we both wanted different things in a relationship and while it was manageable, that's about all it was. And even then sometimes it was stressful and difficult, and resentments and grudges started creeping in.

But the break-up has been really very amicable and reasonable. Tears but no yelling. We have two children and their welfare has to come before absolutely anything. So we can be friends. I think we might be better friends than we were partners. At least that's my hope and my intention.

I wish I could tell you something more exciting. I wish one of us had had an affair and had left the house in ignominy rather than as is this morning, both of us sitting around in our pyjamas talking about what we're going to have for dinner tonight.

The medium-term plan is I'm buying a house. Somewhere close to her and the kids. I'd like that to be as weird-free as possible. The kids will stay with me some nights through the week. I'd like for us to be in and out of each other's houses as it weren't a thing. I'd like for us all to sit down for dinner altogether on some of the days we're swapping kids over.

All of that is for the future I guess. We can't get the house remortgaged to give me the deposit for a new place until the 29th which is when the property market will restart in Scotland so I'm here for a wee while yet. It's hard. Everything's the same except for the one fundamental thing that led to everything else in our lives. Little things like not touching each other as we pass. Using names now instead of nicknames. Averting eyes when people come out of the shower. It's as amicable and as reasonable as it can be, but it's still utterly heart-destroying. Also, and not to cut through the treacle, I'm horny. Heartbroken and horny. My tinder username.

On the other hand, I need to get my shit together. I'm a real fixer-upper at the moment. Lose some weight. Gain some fitness. Start buying nicer clothes. I guess from this point on I can get bitter or get better.

So. That's that. On the odd chance that any wealthy forum ladies have secretly had a thing for short, tubby Scotsmen, now would be an excellent time to say so. And in the meantime thank you for allowing me to ramble. I've said it lots of times, but's it's never less true than now for me: this place is one of the few real constants I've had in my life.

[FirebirdNC]

I have been where you are, married for 10 years to a man I liked but realized I didn't love and wasn't very compatible with. I had two small children at the time and it broke my heart to disrupt their lives more than it did mine. We also had a very "friendly" divorce and other than a few bumps/fights in the road managed to raise two amazing kids over the past 19 years. It's so easy to be complacent when you are with someone that you don't make an effort for anymore. I realized how meh I had been treating my whole life.

I didn't have a lot of independence at the time and it was scary for me to step out into the working and dating world. I am now with someone who gets me and treats me very well. We just celebrated 16 years together. He was also previously married and I think it made us both more aware of the pitfalls of not trying. Marriage is certainly something that has to be worked on and maintained just like anything else.

I tried really hard to not let anything between me and my first husband spill over into our kids lives. I will also say in the beginning even though we weren't together there was still a bit of a sting when we started seeing other people. I truly wish you the best of a shitty situation and hope you don't go down the path of bitter it can be the easier path often.

Were I a single lady I would be wearing your inbox out, yeah you know how you like it. I would say this is a safe zone but it's not entirely that but thats ok too. Good Luck with everything and keep us posted.

[Seir]

I can't say that I've been through what you're experience right now, since I've never been married. However, it's a good thing the split is amicable instead of messy and I wish you good luck in the future.

[Deacon]

You’re the best, Gianni. You taught me that the then-unheard-of name Nicola was pronounced “Neckla”. You’ve influenced me and countless others in small ways you probably don’t even realize. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve reached this point but optimistic that you’ll get it figured out as you make your way through life, this time with a lot more hindsight and experience to build on.

[raptor9k]

This sucks but you both seem to be handling it reasonably well. Good luck and I hope it works out for the best. It can't be easy coming to this decision but sometimes it's best. You get this, but from someone who grew up without a dad, be there for the kids in any way you can, however it turns out.

[Rorschach]

Thanks y'all. Wise words as usual.

I had to have a sit down with my parents yesterday. Watching your mother and father cry isn't fun. I'll need to speak to my siblings this week. I wish I could just send them all this video.



I love The National so fucking hard.

[Martin Blank]

Maturity out of Rorschach. What is this world coming to?

In all seriousness, I'm glad that you both are approaching this so well. Most divorces I've seen have resulted in people being forced to take sides. I'm glad you are taking a path that allows you, your family, and your friends to do that. I hope you and Nicola can remain friends and that your hopes come to pass.

[FirebirdNC]

Well if that isn't a breakup song I don't know what is. I would have certainly been playing that on repeat at one point in my life.

[Rorschach]

Matt Berninger is the master of the broken relationship song. I want him to fill my manwomb with his babies.
Although even though our pairing would go sideways soon after, he'd write a cracking tune about it.

Right. That's parents informed. I spoke to my siblings today. Next layer is my parents telling their brothers and sisters who tell their own kids. Sure that pattern is familiar to you, Firebird.

[FirebirdNC]

Yeah it's like ripping off a bandaid and just as sucky.

[Mav]

Rors, is it true? Have my years of waiting finally paid off? My body is ready.

(Also I'm sorry to hear that man, I went through half a custody battle last year before reversing course. I feel you on the little things that get you before someone manages to move out. Glad things are looking easy on settling custody for the kids. And personally I'd recommend bumble over tinder)

[FirebirdNC]

Rors, is it true? Have my years of waiting finally paid off? My body is ready.

(Also I'm sorry to hear that man, I went through half a custody battle last year before reversing course. I feel you on the little things that get you before someone manages to move out. Glad things are looking easy on settling custody for the kids. And personally I'd recommend bumble over tinder)

He prefers it if you aren't ready.

[Rorschach]

Rors, is it true? Have my years of waiting finally paid off? My body is ready.

Ah, my dude. I guess I gotta kiss my fair share of frogs before I feast on that princely wang.

Also, I didn't know about your situation last year. Unless you told us and I'm such a solipsistic prick I heard and then forgot. I'm sorry to (re?)hear that. How did it end up with the custody battle?

[Mav]

Also, I didn't know about your situation last year. Unless you told us and I'm such a solipsistic prick I heard and then forgot. I'm sorry to (re?)hear that. How did it end up with the custody battle?

Not your fault at all man, I was pretty damn quiet about it, things were hard for a few months, playing things close to the chest, etc. Avoiding a play-by-play description, we got through the preliminary hearing and a trial date scheduled, but then worked things out and started getting back together. Been living together again since February. (Our relationship had been started on a rough foundation, given we found out she was pregnant two months in. Hopefully we're setting things up right this time.)

But yeah, suffice to say, I feel you on that initial separation and establishing a new normal.

[FirebirdNC]

Not your fault at all man, I was pretty damn quiet about it, things were hard for a few months, playing things close to the chest, etc. Avoiding a play-by-play description, we got through the preliminary hearing and a trial date scheduled, but then worked things out and started getting back together. Been living together again since February. (Our relationship had been started on a rough foundation, given we found out she was pregnant two months in. Hopefully we're setting things up right this time.)

But yeah, suffice to say, I feel you on that initial separation and establishing a new normal.

Really glad to hear that you are trying to rebuild your relationship. Hopefully you will be on the same page and she respects the wang .