Best man gags

[Rorschach]

So the time is once again upon me when I curse my massive popularity and I'm faced with the most thankless of tasks: the best man speech.

Does anyone have any gags they'd like to contribute? Wedding-related would be useful but not essential. Nothing too hoary or time-honoured please although I certainly don't mind filth.

There will be a prize for the best contribution (or any).

Thank-you

[Deacon]

Give the groom drugs, hook him up with a stripper prostitute, then make sure she overdoses, and your night of madcap adventures to get rid of the body and keep your stories straight for the cops will keep you entertained.

[JermCool]

I think I saw that in a movie once.

It's always entertaining to tell the guests about your fantasies about the groom. Also, let them know about the spy cams in the honeymoon suite. It's up to you whether or not you actually put spy cams in the honeymoon suite.

[EvilElf]

I think I saw that in a movie once.

It's always entertaining to tell the guests about your fantasies about the groom. Also, let them know about the spy cams in the honeymoon suite. It's up to you whether or not you actually put spy cams in the honeymoon suite.

Don't forget to add in "For a nominal fee you can watch live at rorchachshoneymooncam.xxx"

[Rorschach]

Beware ye, the advice of the internets.

Best man called 10 young guys up to the Brides table where they all gave her a key saying "We wont be needing these now"

Yowsers Trousers.

MB gave me some good advice the last time I brought this up:

Remember you're not roasting the bride, you're roasting the groom.

Which, as there are two best men (a modern nonsense), will form the basis of my opening line.

[Arres]

I read the title as "Superior gags for men". I was curious. I can't decide if I'm disappointed or not.

Also! Keep it short. No-one is there for the Best Man Speech. No matter how talented or funny an orator, a wedding speech that extends past ~1 minute has overstayed its welcome.

[Rorschach]

I read the title as "Superior gags for men". I was curious. I can't decide if I'm disappointed or not.

Also! Keep it short. No-one is there for the Best Man Speech. No matter how talented or funny an orator, a wedding speech that extends past ~1 minute has overstayed its welcome.

What? A minute? I couldn't finish a decent sentence in a minute, never mind a speech.

[Arres]

Could be personal preference. I find that at a wedding about 60% of the people there don't actually know the Best Man, therefore it's "random dude talking". Although, if you time it, 1 minute uninterrupted is actually quite a bit of talking.

[Rorschach]

Really? Do Americans do it differently? There are conventions that would take more than a minute: addressing the bridesmaids, reading absentee messages etc. and that's without even talking about the groom, much less the marriage, which you're kind of expected to do.

This is surprising.

[Mav]

Knock up the bride.

[Deacon]

It sounds like you lot are a lot more formal, long-winded, and stuffy about it. Absentee messages? It is as expected.

[Rorschach]

That's one way of viewing it. Another is making people laugh for ten minutes. Which is no small feat. The conventions are not the entirety. But they would last longer than a minute.

[Deacon]

Yikes. Very few of us could deliver 10 minutes of laughs!

[Rorschach]

I can. If Nicola lets me go twice.

[FirebirdNC]

I can. If Nicola lets me go twice.

You will have no problem getting people to laugh.