More Mensajitos

[JermCool]

Dear Cow with the Oklahoma license plate:

I realize motorcycles are harder to see than cars. That said, you didn't even look when you changed lanes. If it weren't for the fact I was expecting you to do something stupid, our vehicles would have attempted to occupy the same space. So yes, you did deserve me blocking you farther down the road when I saw you were going to try driving on the shoulder. And the multiple brake-checks. Don't drive like a douche and people won't be inclined to retaliate.

Sincerely,
The guy on the bike you tried to kill

[NorthernComfort]

Dear Woman Who Wanted To Stand By The Door-

We have a lot in common, you and I. We both like to stand and lean against the door, especially from Canal to 7th since that door will stay closed the entire trip. It is truly the most desirable slice of real estate the train offers.

And I understand why you were so annoyed, when I got on the train and simply stood in the few inches you left me by the door until the doors closed. You must have wondered, why isn't he getting further in the train? And then there was the moment of realization- you just got fucked. Your attempts to bump me with your bag were noted, along with your weak attempt at an elbow jab, and your many glares.

You see, once you have your back to the door, you are as unmovable as an iron statue. That is what you should have done. You failed to properly claim the spot, and you had justly that spot taken from you.

Welcome to New York. I understand you think you are a New Yorker. Let me show you how the real New Yorkers do it.

Sincerely,
The Guy Who Totally Stole Your Spot, Because You Don't Get The Rules

[Rorschach]

Dear bowels

Look. I've mostly given up meat. I'm slowly and really trying to dial back on the booze. Hell, I might even consider some exercise.

So how about you stop being massive twats before I stuff you full of something rubbery? And not from the end you're used to.

Sincerely
Your sausage case

[JermCool]

I volunteer!

[Cyberliger777]

Dear Beer Belly,

For some unknown reason, you have decided to add 20 pounds over the winter. You have never done this to me before, why now?! Didn't we have fun times before going shirtless in the sun, doing sit ups, and looking like a twig so we can make fun of all our chubby family members?

Well it is spring now and your reign of terror is over. Since last week I am running three times a week and following a PT schedule again. I am even going to cut off your late night eating and having candy at 5 times a week. You made me do this you bastard. I don't want to eat like an adult and exercise! If I must, I will and to hell with what you want.

Sincerely,

The Love Machine

[Rorschach]

Dear Dennis Sheehan

I didn't know you and you didn't know me. I would have hard-pushed to give your name when asked for it, although I've always been vaguely aware of your role. But I just wanted to say that you had a huge hand in giving me and my friends some of the most memorable moments of our formative years.
So thank you for that.

Goodnight man. Sleep well.

The guy who stood staring in wonderment for hours

[NorthernComfort]

Dear Woman Exiting the 6 Train,

You exited the train amidst the swirling unwashed masses. I was rushing down the stairs, hoping to get on the train you had just departed. I dodged people to stand in front of the turnstiles you were about to walk out of. I raised my two hands together in a universal symbol of peace and begging. I mouthed the word "please". You stood back and allowed me to swipe through and run to make the train. I was not able to properly make eye contact thank you in my haste.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
The guy who really needed to make that train

[Deacon]

See, not ALL yankees are complete dicks all the time

[Rorschach]

Your commute seems a ripe source of entertainment.

[The Cid]

Dear random people I got paired up with golfing today:

I appreciate your willingness to play "ready golf." I do not want to sit and wait for you to pour over each shot. Good on you. However, you have overdone it, and your hurry to get off every green without even removing the pin got on my nerves. You made a relaxing round of golf considerably more frustrating, and an order of magnitude more difficult.

Also maybe if you'd take a practice swing every now and again, you wouldn't skull four shots each per hole and feel a need to run the way you did.

Cheers,
The guy who couldn't find his ball in wide open spaces because I was too busy chauffeuring your ass from flub to flub.

[Rorschach]

Dear Hen Party in Glasgow last night

You were all dressed as (Where's) Wally. The drunk guys we passed on shouting "Look! There's Wally!" across the street at you did not exactly deserve the torrent of abuse you screamed at them. What did you think was going to happen?

Yours
The guy who wishes he could carry a gun

[Deacon]

Haha y'all do those parties up differently than around here.

[FirebirdNC]

Dear RLF,
You are awesome never change.

PS we now have exactly 11111 members.

[JermCool]

Dear Water Heater:

You had two jobs. 1) Heat Water. 2) Hold heated water for later delivery. You have failed job #2 and made a mess of my garage. Now I need to pull approximately $500 out of my butt to replace you. In the meantime, I need to use whatever means I have available to heat water so I can wash dishes and clean the smellier parts of my body.

Your inability to do your job displeases me immensely. I am plotting a rather dramatic end for you now.

Sincerely,
The guy who regrets having cardboard boxes on his garage floor

[raptor9k]

If you're having a plumber do it, that's pretty cheap. Mine was $800+ and I think it's a 50 gallon (unit was sub $500 but the idiot assistant that put it in took half the day). To top it off, I had to help the guy lift it because they sent 1 guy to put a 200 lb water heater in my garage on a 40" raised alcove.