Namesakes emails

[Deacon]

Haha. Indians are the best.

from: achyutrao.yadav@shapoorji.com
to: (me)
cc: sanjay.gadad@shapoorji.com,
pritam.rajmane@shapoorji.com,
monish.chavan@shapoorji.com
subject: LOI - ARC Enterprises for Tremix work

Dear Rahul,

Pls find herewith attached scan copy of LOI for Tremix Flooring work at
DMSH Site.


Regards,

Achyut Yadav

Not sure how they ended up sending to my email, which in no way is related to shapoorji.com, but it appears real. Yes, there was a terribly done scanned document attached!

[Deacon]

I've let a couple of these slip, but this is funny, especially when you realize it's from the UK and read it in an Ali G voice.

from: Trevor Smith trevor1910@hotmail.co.uk
to: Edna <with my email address>
date: Wed, Mar 19, 2014 at 7:40 AM
subject: (no subject)
mailed-by: hotmail.co.uk

hows u edna we met at globle vision if u still want 2 meet up for chat let me know god bless

[Deacon]

By the way, not all of them are funny. Some are just day-to-day things. For some reason, a disproportionately large number of those come from South Africa. I don't know why. For example:

from: AQUA SPAR 1 AQUA1@retail.spar.co.za
to: mymamoeti@gmail.com
cc: robmed@mweb.co.za, "me", celiaenslin@gmail.com, B525810@gmail.com
date: Wed, Mar 19, 2014 at 6:03 AM
subject: Spar promotion

Good Day

Attached our promotion pamphlet, we will send you the month end pamphlet as soon as it is available.

Enjoy your day!

Alida

Attached was a 3MB PDF showing a smiling black woman in a nicer house than most with light skin, a white nose, and straightened hair (a whole other thing in South Africa), wearing more American young housewife fashions, and she's so happy she's getting fantastic values on cleaning supplies from the local grocery store.

[ampersand]

They're on to you, Deacon. The Nigerian Prince knows where you live.

[Rorschach]

I've let a couple of these slip, but this is funny, especially when you realize it's from the UK and read it in an Ali G voice.

from: Trevor Smith trevor1910@hotmail.co.uk
hows u edna we met at globle vision if u still want 2 meet up for chat let me know god bless

Nothing like a gangsta named 'Trevor'. Unless it's his bitch named 'Edna'. Which is a Nan's name in the UK.

[Deacon]

I've only ever heard of elderly women being named Edna anywhere in the world.

[Deacon]

Ooooh... This is a good one! Note the period at the end of the subject line, indicating seriousness in the face of what appears to be an intentionally incomplete sentence. Quite the professionals on all sides. Note that I was not involved until the professional at a real law firm CC'ed me.

from: Erica Henshilwood <Erica.Henshilwood@smab.co.uk>
to: "Shuttleworth, Hollie" <hollie.shuttleworth@news.co.uk>, John Deacon <deaconjm@gmail.com>
cc: "me"
date: Thu, Mar 20, 2014 at 1:12 PM
subject: RE: Libel Query.

Hi John

Following our conversation tonight I have spoken with a barrister called Yuli Takatsuki at 5rb chambers. 5RB are a very reputable chambers who specialise in media work like libel litigation. You can have a look at Yuli’s profile on the website at http://www.5rb.com/member/yuli-takatsuki/

In order to set up a direct access arrangement you need to call one of Yuli’s clerks to give them your details and they will need to discuss with you providing some ID and other information. Yuli’s hourly rate is £200 an hour and it is likely that if you decide to go ahead with getting some advice – even just an initial conference to speak about the merits of your case – you will need to pay a small amount of money on account to cover the costs of that first conference – I am not sure about the exact amount but Yuli’s clerks will explain all of this to you before you decide if you want to go ahead with it.

The people you need to call are either:

Jamie Clack (clerk) on 020 7242 2902 or on email jamieclack@5rb.com

Or

Alex King (clerk) on 020 7242 2902 or on email alexking@5rb.com

If you just explain to Jamie or Alex that you are calling to speak with them about setting up a direct access arrangement with Yuli Takatsuki and that you were referred to them by Erica Henshilwood at Simons Muirhead and Burton then they should know who you are.

I hope you manage to get this sorted, and I am sorry that I couldn’t be more help in terms of taking the case on for you.

Best,

Erica Henshilwood
Solicitor (Admitted in New Zealand and Australia)

T: 0203 206 2741
F: 0203 206 2841



From: Shuttleworth, Hollie [mailto:hollie.shuttleworth@news.co.uk]
Sent: 20 March 2014 16:15
To: Erica Henshilwood
Cc: John Deacon
Subject: Libel Query.



Hello Erica,

I hope you don't mind me emailing you directly.
I have been passed your details by recommendation from a work colleague and friend Riz Sami (legal secretary for the Sun Newspaper). She had only praise for you and said that you have always been a pleasure to work with.
She said you may be able to help me by way of advice/recommendation with regards to a personal libel case my partner (CC'd in) is unfortunately currently facing.
I appreciate you mainly work in commercial and business cases and this is personal. But any help, advice or even a push in the right direction of somebody that we could talk to would be greatly appreciated.
We are having no luck contacting any lawyers in this specialised field at present and we only have one week left until we need to receive the papers to the high court, which we really wanted to speak to somebody before doing.
You're knowledge regarding libel and being able to confirm whether or not the plaintiff has a case against him or not would be priceless.

Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from you.

Kind regards,

Hollie Shuttleworth
Executive Assistant
13th Floor

News UK
3 Thomas More Square
London E98 1EX

Telephone: 0207 782 1650
Email: hollie.shuttleworth@news.co.uk

[Deacon]

Random crap. I don't know who Ed is, but man he really wants that pitch! I hesitate to think about what those bottles might contain...

from: Ed Coyle edcoyle74@gmail.com
date: Sun, Mar 23, 2014 at 11:52 AM
subject: Send ed the pitch.

And thanks again for the bottles. Ill be in touch.

[BtEO]

How on earth do you get so many of these?

[Deacon]

This is just a few of them. People are stupid. As I'm sure you can attest, with a long history in retail, people are stupid. And careless. And my email address is just my screen name here and sent to me via gmail.com. So anyone with that in their name will screw up their own address. Leave out the numbers or last name or whatever. Or the person sending the email to them will screw it up. Or everyone is involved in the clusterfuck. I thought having a fundamentally awesome, clean email address would be great instead of deaconrule34@gmail.com or whatever. Turns out it is great but also problematic. Why? Because people are stupid and careless.

[BtEO]

For my sanity's sake I have to assume that customer stupidity is a situational thing. As if our doors hold some kind of temporary intelligence lowering field.

[Deacon]

Nope. Let the despair take hold.

[Deacon]

from: Courtney Corgan courtneycorgan@gmail.com
to: (me), John Young <johndotyoung@q.com>, Tony Szostak <ajszostak@cox.net>
date: Wed, Mar 26, 2014 at 11:35 PM
subject: Thursday

Sorry guys I can't make it. I have to finish my taxes or Kathie will shoot ,me ha ha!

Followed up a couple hours later with one of those horrible emails where there is no body, the entire message is in the subject line.

from: Courtney Corgan courtneycorgan@gmail.com
to: Tony Szostak <ajszostak@cox.net>, Larry Bleichroth <ljbleichroth@cox.net>, Mike Miller <mmiller1552@cox.net>, (me), Bill Warders home Email <w.warders@cox.net>, Knights of Columbus Ken McDonald <yoandken2@cox.net>, Valus Cindy <tcvalus@cox.net>
date: Thu, Mar 27, 2014 at 1:50 AM
subject: Noah at 11:30 AM at the picture show; can you make it?

Now that I know Glenn Beck hates it, I almost want to see this movie. But alas, I could not make it.

[Deacon]

This is the kind of thing I get all the time. I got another email shortly thereafter to confirm that the reservation had been modified. For reference, I canceled his reservation, since this email included a simple link to do so (no authentication required) in the wall of footer text, which I thoughtfully cleaned up before posting here. If ol' Mark can't even get his own email address right, he shouldn't be terrorizing other drivers on the road.

That cancellation of course resulted in another email.

from: Enterprise Rent-A-Car Reservations onlinereservations@enterprise.com
to: (me)
date: Thu, Mar 27, 2014 at 8:34 AM
subject: Confirmed: Enterprise Rent-A-Car Reservation

Dear Mark Deacon,


Thank you for choosing Enterprise. We look forward to seeing you on Tuesday, April 22, 2014 at Noon. If you didn't print your confirmation when you reserved your car, please print this Email or record your confirmation number. You may need it when you pick up your rental. Your rental information is summarized below.
P.S. Remember us when you're renting in town. Enterprise is always nearby at more than 6,500 neighborhood locations.

-----------------------
RESERVATION INFORMATION
-----------------------

Confirmation Number: 791547012







Name: Deacon, Mark

Pick Up Date: Tuesday, April 22, 2014 at Noon

Drop Off Date: Wednesday, April 23, 2014 at Noon


Pick Up Location Address and Phone Number :
ALBANY INTL ARPT
737 ALBANY SHAKER RD
ALBANY, NY 12211-1001
Tel.: (518) 785-7771

Pick Up Location Hours for the week of : April 21, 2014
Monday 6:00 am 11:59 pm
Tuesday 6:00 am 11:59 pm
Wednesday 6:00 am 11:59 pm
Thursday 6:00 am 11:59 pm
Friday 6:00 am 11:59 pm
Saturday 6:00 am 11:59 pm
Sunday 6:00 am 11:59 pm



Car and Rate Information:
Compact
Nissan Versa, Toyota Yaris or similar
52.85 USD (1 Day @ 52.85)

0.00 USD (Drop Charge)

5.87 USD (CONCESSION RECOVERY FEE 11.11 PCT)

8.22 USD (SALES TAX)

Total Charges 66.94 USD




Additional surcharges, local taxes, etc. may apply.

[Deacon]

In case anyone's wondering, that conversation about the 11:30AM early showing of Noah is ongoing. Reply All.