Chemotherapy

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Rorschach
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Chemotherapy

Post by Rorschach » Mon Sep 24, 2012 5:02 pm

or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the C-Bomb

Friends, I've had some rather bad news. During my most recent cancer check they actually went and found something in my abdomen - a tumour about the size of a square battery. Irritatingly, I begin a nine-week course of chemo on Monday. This week I will be mostly having my blood tested for HIV and then wanking into a paper cup in a grim, grubby, soul-destroying NHS broom closet with a flickering neon strip-light and a damp copy of a generic early-nineties porno mag. That's right, kids; porn used to come in magazine form. Crazy huh?

Pro: Off work 'til after the New Year.

Con: Losing my long, flowing locks.

Pro: Effortless weight loss.

Con: I'm not sure how much I'll be on the forums during it.

The prognosis is reasonably good and I'm in pretty good shape mentally. Another six months of 'Oh, there's something somewhere, but we can't tell you where so we can't treat it' would have left me totes postal. My life's been on ridiculous pause since my blood count started creeping up a few years ago. Now that this fucker's raised its head, I can actually be treated for something, get past it and continue my life. Such as it is.

We've had to postpone the wedding. :( Which is really the worst of it. Three weeks before our date. Sod's law.

Anyway. Thanks for listening to my ramble. I shall keep you all informed, as much as possible, of any major occurances/urinal incontenence/inopertune erection scenarios.

Much love you you all.

Gianni
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Deacon
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by Deacon » Mon Sep 24, 2012 6:06 pm

I had no idea you were going through this kind of thing. It should go without saying that I wish you the very best. If it would cheer you up, I'll text you a picture of my flaccid phallus...
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. - Helen Rowland, A Guide to Men, 1922

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Rorschach
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by Rorschach » Mon Sep 24, 2012 6:11 pm

Hey, it couldn't hurt.

Not whilst flaccid, anyway. :shock:
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spikegirl7
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by spikegirl7 » Tue Sep 25, 2012 1:50 am

Good luck Rors, you are required to recover quickly. There are so many windows that haven't been looked into yet....
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ampersand
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by ampersand » Tue Sep 25, 2012 7:07 am

That's a pretty big tumor, Rorsch. My father went through a similar illness with a small intestinal tumor. They ended up cutting a two kilometer portion of his small intestine out and retying it together. Not to scare you, Rorsch, but it was so painful that he decided if the tumors reemerged, he'd just rather die than go through chemotherapy.

I hope you'll pull through fine and you end up having a wedding at some point, hopefully before your daughter starts dating, which will probably be any moment now.

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Rorschach
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by Rorschach » Tue Sep 25, 2012 9:22 am

ampersand wrote:Not to scare you
Are you kidding? What was scary about that? :o

Actually, in retrospect, a square battery is a pretty vague description. It's about 2x2x3cm. Which is a small square battery. Not like a car battery.

I've just told my boss I won't be back in until after the New Year. Ah...
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The Cid
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by The Cid » Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:08 am

Kick the tumor in the other c-bomb.
ampersand wrote:Not to scare you, Rorsch
ampersand wrote:hopefully before your daughter starts dating, which will probably be any moment now.
Amp, out with it, what are you really trying to tell Rors? :lol:
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Deacon
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by Deacon » Tue Sep 25, 2012 5:26 pm

Rors, do y'all not call it a "9-volt battery" there as you do here? I assumed these battery standards are universal or at least international. Is this what you're talking about?

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ampersand wrote:They ended up cutting a two kilometer portion of his small intestine out and retying it together.
Are you sure that's accurate? They pulled out over a mile of small intestine, over 6,500 feet of the stuff? There's only a little over 20 feet in most people. Maybe that was his problem...
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. - Helen Rowland, A Guide to Men, 1922

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Rorschach
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by Rorschach » Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:07 pm

Yeah, that's the one. My report said 2 x 2 1/2 x 3(I think) cm. I don't have a square battery to hand, but that's about roughly.
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ampersand
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Chemotherapy

Post by ampersand » Tue Sep 25, 2012 6:36 pm

Crap. I meant 2 meters, not 2 km.

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FirebirdNC
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by FirebirdNC » Wed Sep 26, 2012 1:58 pm

Good Luck to you! You should certainly use this opportunity to solicit nude and or erotic photos from your fellow forumites. Clearly some(Deacon) are more than prepared to do so :D
~Insert clever bon mot here~

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JermCool
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by JermCool » Wed Sep 26, 2012 11:44 pm

I'm pullin' for you, Rors. I won't say what I'm pulling, though. You can leave that to your imagination during your wanking sessions. :)
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Rorschach
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by Rorschach » Thu Sep 27, 2012 7:47 pm

Cheers buddy. I tell you, if we were horses (as opposed to just being hung like them), they'd shoot us.

So I found out today I don't have HIV, which is nice. I mean, I didn't really think I had. But we were all young once, y'know?

Most undignified of all indignities tomorrow. My horrific milking. I think I'm looking forward to the chemo more.
Young, pretty nurses all disgusted at my foul onanism. Me either being the fastest donor ever, or crying with frustration as I try to wrestle some life into my unresponsive cock for hours. And they were all so British about it. "Oh yes. You can bring some music if you want. Or a magazine. Or whatever. Your partner can come for support too". What? Can I bring porn? Are you suggesting the missus comes in and does it for me? I just know that if I assume the wrong thing, a huge alarm will sound, a wall will fall away and there will be a barrage of news cameras and policemen waiting on the other side. Christ.
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Arres
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Re: Chemotherapy

Post by Arres » Thu Sep 27, 2012 8:51 pm

*FLASH!*FLASH*FLASH*
"mr 'shach! Can you explain why THAT is THERE?"
"SIR! Does your fiance know you're into THAT?"
"Can you explain to the people how you got her to agree to having THAT done to her?"
"SIR! Where did you get those pictures of Deacon and Jerm? Are they available to a freedom of information act request?"
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ampersand
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Chemotherapy

Post by ampersand » Thu Sep 27, 2012 9:40 pm

"Is that suppose to curve like that, Mr. Rorsch?"

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