Spiders

[ampersand]

And I goofed, it was a single flying bear killing two Canadians. And it really was just a head-on collision, but it still bears pointing out: you don't want to have flying bears.

[FireAza]

FINISH HIM!

Your premise is weak, however, as a bear can be deadly but not when he's caught in a trap...

We don't have bears in my country (and you do, which is what terrifies me about the US), so it's gonna have to be snake vs spider.

[The Cid]

which is what terrifies me about the US

You really need to check out how the US views Australia. That is, "a very far away continent filled to the brim with things that can kill a human being in painful ways. And surrounded by sharks. Also, most of the continent is uninhabitable desert."

Or maybe it's best to just quote Karl Pilkington: "Because spiders and snakes and the like normally hide under rocks. The Earth is one big rock. Australia is at the bottom of the rock and they're trying to hide under it."

Pfft. Bears. You have to go looking for bears here. It seems to me that the deadly things come to you in Australia.

[FireAza]

I'm still not fond of the idea that there's very large animals in your country that can kill you for sustenance. I like my place at the top of the food chain thank you very much. Yes, there's a multitude of animals that can kill you in Australia, but at least most of them won't be killing you in order to eat you. Well, if you stay out of the sea and rivers anyway.

[The Cid]

I'm still not fond of the idea that there's very large animals in your country that can kill you for sustenance.

A) If they're very large, they can be very easily avoided. A bear the size of a Smart Car is visible from a long way away. A spider the size of a dinner plate, while pants-shittingly scary, isn't really visible until you're somewhat close to it, making it an actual obstacle to deal with.
B) ...As opposed to killing people because "screw people." Which is obviously less scary.
C) I live in a part of the country where "nature" is what they build golf courses on. The likelihood of me being eaten by anything is pretty low.

...Of course, I live within a seven iron of the Atlantic Ocean, and the part of the Atlantic nearest me has been host to a number of great white shark sightings lately. And they didn't set Jaws off the coast of Australia, they set it off the coast of Massachusetts. So there's a good chance I'm within a mere few miles of one of the deadliest animals on Earth while I'm making fun of Australia for how it's actively trying to murder everyone who lives in it.

[FireAza]

A) If they're very large, they can be very easily avoided. A bear the size of a Smart Car is visible from a long way away. A spider the size of a dinner plate, while pants-shittingly scary, isn't really visible until you're somewhat close to it, making it an actual obstacle to deal with.

Being large, they're also powerful, and since they have legs, they're not restricted to water. You can be in your home, where you're suppose to feel safe, and a bear can rock up, break in and eat you, right in the middle of your rumpus room. And when he's done, he'll steal your car, crash it, and take a dump in it

B) ...As opposed to killing people because "screw people." Which is obviously less scary.

So long as no eating of my corpse is involved, I'm cool with that.

C) I live in a part of the country where "nature" is what they build golf courses on. The likelihood of me being eaten by anything is pretty low.

...Of course, I live within a seven iron of the Atlantic Ocean, and the part of the Atlantic nearest me has been host to a number of great white shark sightings lately. And they didn't set Jaws off the coast of Australia, they set it off the coast of Massachusetts. So there's a good chance I'm within a mere few miles of one of the deadliest animals on Earth while I'm making fun of Australia for how it's actively trying to murder everyone who lives in it.

Sharks are the third thing that scares me.

[The Cid]

By the way, you do know I'm just having fun, right? I just realized that I don't know much about Australia, and perhaps making fun of how you all live in a death trap crosses some kind of a line. If so, take solace in the fact that I live in the one part of the world that Hollywood portrays with a more horrible accent than Australians.

You can be in your home, where you're suppose to feel safe, and a bear can rock up, break in and eat you, right in the middle of your rumpus room.

I live in a city. I'm more likely to run into a Boston Bruin than an actual bear. (Protip: the first thing I mentioned is a professional hockey player.) Also, I live in an apartment.

Is "rock up" an Australian version of "sack up" or "man up?" Or am I supposed to imagine a bear headbanging and air-drumming his way into my home like a big brown Beavis?

It also helps that bears, from a distance, look cute and vaguely cuddly. Deadly snakes and spiders on the other hand--of which Australia has an abundance and Massachusetts has an absence--are ugly and frightening to even look at. Just check out a nature documentary sometime. Bears are the goofy creatures followed around by tuba music. Sinister sounds accompany snakes and spiders.

he'll steal your car

Who is driving?

So long as no eating of my corpse is involved, I'm cool with that.

I'd like to go on record. I do not care what happens to my body after I die.

[FireAza]

By the way, you do know I'm just having fun, right? I just realized that I don't know much about Australia, and perhaps making fun of how you all live in a death trap crosses some kind of a line. If so, take solace in the fact that I live in the one part of the world that Hollywood portrays with a more horrible accent than Australians.

Yeah, I know you're joking, I read enough Cracked to be aware of the "Australia is a death-trap" joke

You can be in your home, where you're suppose to feel safe, and a bear can rock up, break in and eat you, right in the middle of your rumpus room.

I live in a city. I'm more likely to run into a Boston Bruin than an actual bear. (Protip: the first thing I mentioned is a professional hockey player.) Also, I live in an apartment.

Still, bears man, they're out there.

Is "rock up" an Australian version of "sack up" or "man up?" Or am I supposed to imagine a bear headbanging and air-drumming his way into my home like a big brown Beavis?

"Rock up" meaning "to arrive".

It also helps that bears, from a distance, look cute and vaguely cuddly. Deadly snakes and spiders on the other hand--of which Australia has an abundance and Massachusetts has an absence--are ugly and frightening to even look at. Just check out a nature documentary sometime. Bears are the goofy creatures followed around by tuba music. Sinister sounds accompany snakes and spiders.

I've always found that odd, you're talking about a massive, powerful animal with long, sharp claws and a mouth full of teeth. How does that get converted into the plush toys we give to babies?

he'll steal your car

Who is driving?
"How can that be!?"

[Deacon]

bears man, they're out there.

...dropping out of trees...

[Rorschach]

Please stop sending us your spiders
Thank-you.

[FireAza]

We figured that Scotland needed some more spiders to give it that "homely" feel. Also, why are you reading an insect news website?

[ampersand]

And don't go to Oregon for spelunking, Rorsch. They found a whole class of spiders there.

[The Cid]

I've always found that odd, you're talking about a massive, powerful animal with long, sharp claws and a mouth full of teeth. How does that get converted into the plush toys we give to babies?

Because you're also talking about a fur-covered animal whose children look like this.

And because a bear doing anything but attacking is heart-warming.

[Rorschach]

Also, why are you reading an insect news website?

Known your enemy.
I actually read the story in one of the weekend newspapers but for some reason the college network doesn't like their website.

[raptor9k]

That's why we love the 2nd amendment FireAza.



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