Now, those who know me, know that I am a shagger of Johnny Holmes poportions, that I'm hung like an Arabian stallion and I can go at it like a sewing machine for hours. My inbox is fuller than my codpiece with eager forumettes worldwide, all wanting a slice of the Rorschach action
However, all these talents come with a price: that I share my many, many gifts with those less fortunate than I (i.e. all of you)
So, without any further ado, here's how you can make like me and look forward to dying of sexual ehaustion by the time you're thirty:
1) It's all about the appearance. If you don't care how you look, why should the ladies? When appoaching your target, take a few seconds to spruce youself up. Spit on your hand and calm your hair. Polish the toes of your shoes on the back of your other leg
2) Ladies love the compliments. Love them. Here are some key words: pretty, nice, teddy-bear. Jam as many as you can into every sentence. As long as they're present, the femme in question won't care about the order.
3) Stride. Women love a good stride. However much you swing your arms when you walk: it isn't enough
4) End every statement with the endearment 'baby'. The more you pronounce the 'b's, the happier she'll 'b'
5) Boast. Women love confidence. If you can alert her to the number of women you've slept with before her then do so
6) Pretend to forget her name, even when you haven't. Women love indifference
7) Talk about your mother all night. Women love a mummy's boy. Lament the day you stopped breast-feeding, at eleven years old and ask if you can call her 'Mum/Mom/Godless foreign variation'
8 ) Mention me. 'I know Rorschach', 'That Rorschach, he's my mate, I know him', 'I can get you Rorschach's email addie' anything like that
That's all I can be arsed typing. I've got loads more, you can PM me but to be honest, if these eight gems can't get you some bumper maybe you should just hand your penis back
You're welcome!
