So ... my Mum's a cheating whore.

Complain or gush all you like - this is the place to do it.
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StruckingFuggle
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Post by StruckingFuggle » Wed May 11, 2005 5:49 am

No, it's not.

The girls weren't at fault. The woman was for being so weak. Similarly, really, if you're going to have a BREAKDOWN from being cheated on, you're at fault - NOT for being cheated on, but for the breakdown itself. If you're that weak you should toughen up or get some help.

Like the people who join the forum, get ribbed and never come back - 99.9% of the time its their fault for being that weak.

I'm curious ... it's the same principle to me, and merely a question of scale. So do you disagree that its the same principle, or with where the line is drawn on this scale?
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Post by Deacon » Wed May 11, 2005 5:51 am

It's seriously astonishing to me that you're equating the impact of finding out that your wife of 20 years is fucking around on you to noobs on the forum being rebuffed.

Posted Wed May 11, 2005 12:53 am:

Oooooh, nice ninja edit. Scale sure as hell has a lot to do with it. One person's murder is a tragedy. The murder of hundreds is far different. A slap is a helluvalot different than a spiked club on the side of the head.
Last edited by Deacon on Wed May 11, 2005 5:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by StruckingFuggle » Wed May 11, 2005 5:54 am

In the sense that an american penny and a ten thousand pound note are the same thing, yes. It's psychological shock and the individuals ability/inability to deal with it, is it not?
"He who lives by the sword dies by my arrow."

"In your histories, there are continual justifications for all manner of hellish actions. Claims of nobility and heritage and honor to cover up every bit of genocide, assassination, and massacre. At least the Horde is honest in their naked lust for power."

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Post by tannii » Wed May 11, 2005 10:05 am

So, reading through the replies I came to a few conclusions:

1) I am not .. angry at my mum for cheating on my Dad. Not angry, and not really surprised at all. I knew my parents' marriage wasn't one based on love, rather, it was based on my father's dependance on my mother and my mum just kind of letting him. It's kind of when a dog follows you home and won't leave you alone so you finally give in and say something like, "Okay fine, stay, but you're staying in the backyard and try not to bark too loud." It's a loose comparison, but whatever. So, I'm genuinely not surprised, but I guess I'm just glad to know. I kind of understand it. And with the Duncan B guy, I think they might have been in love or something. I think she found something in him that she didn't find in my Dad. So whoever said it, you're right, maybe my mum has found a way to be happy, but you've got to remember, I'm the daughter of her and my father and that's how it's always been, and it's a hard thing to accept when you find that your mother is screwing someone other than your father. And to clear it up, I think Duncan B was a past affair, and they have just caught up recently.

2) My father lives away, and so my mum is more than likely horny as a goat all the time. But this is not an excuse to advertise on the internet for sex.

3) I have no intention of confronting my mother about this until I'm a bit older. It's a bit hard to explain why, but I don't really find it necessary. I feel better knowing that I know what she's up to while she has no idea. I think it might be because there's no doubt in it, like I'm not going to end up surprised one day when Mum says she's leaving Dad or something. I'll be able to understand it. Or something.

It's a weird situation to be in, but I think I'm handling it okay. Thanks for your kind comments, all the people who were supportive. And thanks for your comments anyway, those who weren't.
Jesus, lol.

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Post by Killer-Rabbit » Wed May 11, 2005 3:36 pm

Well if you are a lot more comfortable with waiting a while before you confront your mother, then you should go that route. However if you ever have the chance, I too suggest you talk to a professional about it mainly so you know how to deal with your father if and when it comes out. (If he doesnt know, you still run the risk of him finding out at anytime)

[quote="StruckingFuggle";p="493669"]The girls weren't at fault. The woman was for being so weak. Similarly, really, if you're going to have a BREAKDOWN from being cheated on, you're at fault - NOT for being cheated on, but for the breakdown itself. If you're that weak you should toughen up or get some help.[/quote]
Well the girls were at fault for triggering the panic attack (the whole lawsuit thing was still a bit too much though). However there are many differences between the cases.

1) The girls were unaware that the woman had problems with panic disorder. Tannii's mother is aware of the fathers condition.

2) The girls were attempting to be kind. No matter how you word it, cheating on a spouse never comes out as "kind".

3) I'm not sure of the womans treatment but tannii has said her father is taking medication, so he has gotten some help.

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Post by AzraeL » Wed May 11, 2005 4:34 pm

1) The girls were unaware that the woman had problems with panic disorder. Tannii's mother is aware of the fathers condition.
I was unaware that when I stabbed the guy, he would have an allergy to stomach wounds...
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Post by Deacon » Wed May 11, 2005 4:53 pm

How can y'all compare leaving cookies in a gift basket at a neighbor's doorstep to stabbing someone in the gut or fucking around on a spouse?
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Post by Metzgirl » Wed May 11, 2005 4:58 pm

WTF?

That's not even close, Azrael. Aside from there being no such thing as an allergy to stomach wounds, if you stabbed the guy you were intending harm him in the first place.

I sincerely hope you're trying to be sarcastic.

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Post by StruckingFuggle » Wed May 11, 2005 5:26 pm

Ninja edit? I didn't edit any of my posts, nor did I post something saying something new or different.

A single murder, compared to a killing spree, are different things - but they're both, also, acts of deliberate homicide - one is simply a grander (in the sense of "on a bigger scale") example of it than the other. It's still murder.

Slapping someone, and hitting them with a spiked club, is still a form of violence on the person, the spiked club is simply knocking it up a few notches.

Similarly, a panic attack and a breakdown from psychological shock - they are not both differently scaled examples of the same thing? Why not?

You've expressed that you don't agree with this assertion of fundamentaly similar concepts (well, I'm assuming you just disagree, and you don't 'don't get it') ... but not yet why, so ... why?

The intent of the impetus, in the case of (3), isn't what we're talking about here - benign cookie baskets vs. infidelity. Merely if it accomplishes something of similar being but different scale, and the reply to it.

And I'm NOT equating "n00bs being rebuffed" and finding out about your spouse being infidelity. I've never said that and I'd challenge you to find a place where I did. They're fundamentally the same thing in what they accomplish, but being on such vastly different scales, they're vastly different things - in the sense, as I said, that a penny and a ten-thousand pound note are different things - different, yet similar in that at the root, they are the same thing - in this case, money.

My original assertion, to use this money as a metaphor, has never been that $.01 == L10,000. It has been that while it's ridiculous and wrong to knock someone down so you can run off with their penny, its equally ridiculous and wrong to stab someone and leave them bleeding in the gutter to run off with their L10,000 note, and fundamentally, the two are rooted in the same problem - an inability of your own.


(and woah, Killer-Rabit. You actually consider those girls at fault? HOW? Why?)
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Post by AzraeL » Wed May 11, 2005 5:44 pm

That's not even close, Azrael. Aside from there being no such thing as an allergy to stomach wounds, if you stabbed the guy you were intending harm him in the first place.

I sincerely hope you're trying to be sarcastic.
Of course i'm being sarcastic

How can y'all compare leaving cookies in a gift basket at a neighbor's doorstep to stabbing someone in the gut or fucking around on a spouse?
It's not used as a perfect comparison, but simply to make a point. Stabbing someone is the extreme, but you see the point that if you intend harm on someone, you need to be able to accept the consequences. Although the girls didnt want the woman to completely freak out, it was not an innocent action. T

here are many cases where someone has got into a fight, and someone has punched someone to the ground, where they cracked their head open. Now the person punching didnt know they had an "eggshell scull", so they didnt mean to kill them, just hurt them. this is why the law has "manslaughter".
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Post by Nekra » Wed May 11, 2005 5:55 pm

thats not sarcasm, thats irony.
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Post by Gowerlypuff » Wed May 11, 2005 6:24 pm

/me hands Nekra a dictionary. Just read that for a month or two, you'll be fine.

Diabolical analogues aside, there is never an excuse, I feel, to cheat on someone. EVER. If you're really that pissed off in your marriage and there is no way you can possibly resolve it, then get a divorce or something.

If she married him out of pity, then she probably knew about his depression, etc, so she knew what she was getting herself in to. That's her fault. If she doesn't like it, she shouldn't have married him.

If she didn't know about it, or it started afterwards, then it really does suck to be her, in that respect. That's why your vows generally have "In sickness and in health, till death do us part" in them. You marry someone with the intention of staying with them NO MATTER WHAT and never cheating. As soon as you do, for WHATEVER REASON, you're in the wrong.

To recap: being unhappy in a marriage is no excuse to cheat. That's like being unhappy with your car so you steal someone else's (especially if the other guy is married, too).
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Post by Nekra » Wed May 11, 2005 7:05 pm

Gowerly, it didn't seem right so i went and checked on Dictionary.com, and i was right it wasn't Sarcasm, now irony might not be exactly right, there might be something closer, but it isn't sarcasm. thats for sure.
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Post by Deacon » Wed May 11, 2005 8:36 pm

[quote="StruckingFuggle";p="493969"]Ninja edit? I didn't edit any of my posts, nor did I post something saying something new or different.[/quote]
There seemed to be a new line at the end of your post regarding scale that hand't been there when I first hit Reply, but I could be mistaken. It's not a big deal either way, so...don't get too worked up about it :? It's not an accusation or something or an inference of wrong-doing.
Slapping someone, and hitting them with a spiked club, is still a form of violence on the person, the spiked club is simply knocking it up a few notches.
No, it's not just knocking it up a few notches. It's a totally different thing, here. One is basically attempted murder (or full-on murder if the victim dies) while the other is more of an insult. Scale can and often does change things to where it become an entirely different thing along that scale and has entirely different causes and effects, etc.
Similarly, a panic attack and a breakdown from psychological shock - they are not both differently scaled examples of the same thing? Why not?
Ah, I think I see your mistake. You're under the impression that the negativity toward the woman who sued the girls was because she freaked out when a knock on the door sounded at night and no one was there when she answered the door. That was not the problem. The problem was that she meandered into the doctor's office the next day and decided to sue the girls. That was the ridiculous part, not that she was startled by a knock on the door at night. Perhaps that helps clear some of this up for you?
The follies which a man regrets the most in his life are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. - Helen Rowland, A Guide to Men, 1922

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Post by Healer24 » Thu May 12, 2005 4:11 am

I don't really agree that because two things are fundamentally the same means that they are only a difference of scale. If we take that thinking further, we realize that everything is made up of elements. In the case of humans, similar elements. Therefore, all humans are fundamentally the same. However, I don't consider a serial murderer and someone like Mother Theresa to be the same at all. For another example from chemistry, carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide are very similar. Both are made of carbon and oxygen. And yet, carbon monoxide is poisonous to humans, while we exhale carbon dioxide all the time. I don't know if any of that made sense, but those were my thoughts.
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