Layer:00 - DRAFT

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Seannery
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Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by Seannery » Thu Aug 13, 2020 12:20 pm

Regretful though not marked through composition
Some of below forewarning gentle reader
I was born [email protected] their negotiations, and my trial, he couldn't the thought to progress that. My inchoate lower reason subsuming, past those torpid winters wherein pronomials exactly lusoral singular were seen, began it's effete obsession. Preparing thither, lucubrations emphatic of the distal yold---of experience, only sublimates---it's comprehension, staid by auterasty. Post- 4ce repeating identical edifaction,
Ben Caxton (The Crow's Nest) wrote:Everyone knows that jails and hospitals have one thing in common: they can be very hard to get out of. In some ways a prisoner is less cut off than a patient; a prisoner can send for his lawyer, demand a Fair Witness, invoke habeas corpus and require the jailor to show cause in open court.
oversped read half (1926) The Sun Also Rises. Restituting thereof, I happened on a scholeric rebuke, following which brang me RealLifeward.
These 225 annum/diem days saw snide scientist (CEO, Snark industries) become The Flansaas, PAL4200 live, by his maker's voice, not in duple, and no less than 3 attempts to join this forum captcha'd.
Shall we try this forum con Seannery?

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Seannery
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Re: Serial Experiments Lain (withstood the test of time)

Post by Seannery » Sun Aug 30, 2020 11:47 pm

FirebirdNC wrote: Sun Aug 30, 2020 1:52 pm I asked Seannery to please dial it back a bit, so we can hopefully get a better understanding without a headache lol.
My penchant for polishing, refining,, rewriting is often aided by a loose formal, terse style (my shortfinger, if you will---digital shorthand) that feels perfectly natural (I always know what I meant---even after forgetting entirely) and a person to whom it were explained might agree---but there are better things to do than studying strangers' idiolects. I prefer suppleting prepublication.
I'd intended to write these as plainly as possible (obscurantish literary criticism peeves me greatly, 'cause it oughtta elucidate, don't it?) but my literary habits (trained by years practice for mostly personal reading, drafts) got ahead of me. Then I erred by adding my next outline before suppleting the prior. Then sprouted pernicious idea that continuing the error, I might save face.
Sorry.
Do tell me, always, in what way I'm not good.. I'm not used to silent tolerance.
liberté, égalité, muliebrité
τ > π wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:57 amOnward! To our selves. To the future.

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Seannery
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Layer:14 - DRAUGHT

Post by Seannery » Fri Dec 11, 2020 3:09 am

My mother visited today. It's been a long time. She brought food. I think that's a family tradition---fatten up, little boy, maman will take care of everything. It was nice.
She's not an understanding person. Not my mental health, nor.. this, I know, now.
She chewed me out, for my dirty laundry. For my dirty dishes. For my unkempt hair, and scrambled wonderland that is my bedroom.
She still loves me. I love her. I snuggled on her lap, and she fingerkempt my hair. It was nice.
She chewed me out about my listlessness. Admonished I should have a plan. A goal to beat. In jocular tones, I disclosed it. My plan. My goal. She was taken aghast by the `joke,' but kept fondling my hair. It was nice.
She did my dishes. I walked her out.
I haven't felt relaxed, in a long time. Almost drunk, or high, I wandered out through town. Stopped by The Clinic. A discreet establishment. They scheduled me for [redacted]. It still doesn't feel real.
Came home, called her. (The clean kitchen is nice.) I explained. At least, she's discreet---likely more than I.
She's in town for equinox. (And something else, obviously. Dunno what.) We'll be seeing more of us. She'll tolerate it. She'll acclime to it.

I was always everyone's favorite. My father wanted a son. After the daughter, he convinced her to not abort, when they learned it'd be a `boy.' And my mother, her one moment---holding me, after birth---of joy in the whole lethargic depression---pure bliss, and loving. And I was an utter bastard, even back then---clamping my toothless orifice on her boob, not to feed, but watch anew my galactic spray. I don't understand, how a person can love, despite that senseless pain. Not even for my, earlier, sister. And my atypical behavior, appealed my grandfather's pity, and protection.
I was loved for who I am
Missed the opportunity
To be a better man

---Matt Bellamy
(2006, Hoodoo)
I was very boyish throughout my childhood. My native language doesn't explicitly partition `boys' language / `girls' language. There were distinctions, and I'd never bring myself to say that `girly' word. I'd use the `guys' equivalent. (A bad approximation.) Until puberty started---as a late bloomer---when I'd decided to break all the stereotypes, and insist it was perfectly manly. I was. (Not just as `comfortable with masculinity, to experience femininity.') I really do think, that's my identity. (But still with the wrong body.)

My boobs will be a man's boobs. My cunt will be a man's cunt. My soft, smooth skin, will be a man's soft, smooth skin.


I'm going home. It's progressed much better than this shithole. Why did I ever leave? Petty.
I'll still wait for COVID to expire, though.
You're all wonderful people.
---EMS

This was gonna be my suicide note. I figured, if this was the best there is, why bother? I realize now, my mistake in thinking the past, is any good indication of the future. Hell, that day proves that---all that was before, was worse. The bit about my mother coming to terms with it, is wishful thinking. I hope she will. I do know she'll tolerate it, though. She tolerates too much.
I will be going home, though. Literally. Not as an abstruse metaphor for suicide.
Do tell me, always, in what way I'm not good.. I'm not used to silent tolerance.
liberté, égalité, muliebrité
τ > π wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:57 amOnward! To our selves. To the future.

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τ > π
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Re: Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by τ > π » Sat Dec 12, 2020 9:24 pm

Thank you. For staying alive. Песня красивая. Reassuring. That it gets better.

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Seannery
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Re: Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by Seannery » Sun Dec 13, 2020 5:02 am

τ > π wrote: Sat Dec 12, 2020 9:24 pmThank you. For staying alive. Reassuring. That it gets better.
It does get better. That's something I only learned now. Or that knowledge solidified now. Right now, I feel.. like my insides are smooth, firm. Not gritty, granular---harsh, I'd now say. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but me. That day I felt relaxed, I felt this internal smoothness, too. Right now, it's stronger, and I feel powerful, like I could knock someone over, gently. I don't know if that makes any sense, either, to anyone but me. Before, I could push someone harshly, and they'd stagger back, or fall over and hit the floor. I don't mean I ever do that. That's just how my push would have been. Now it's like I can take them, start pushing them, gradually down onto the ground. This is probably a bad simile.
Sail on the steel breeze
Except it's not a steel breeze anymore. Nor windless. Before it was only those. And the sail is firm without being rigid. I've never felt this way. I'm certain. Never. Not even times I don't recall. This is the best that I've felt---not that I've never felt more pleasure in any given moment, but that this is `integrated,' somehow, and sustainable. I think it's sustainable, I mean. It's like if the shower, who weakly sprinkled tepid water over me, suddenly started to gush hot, but not scalding, water. I feel like I could take on the whole empire myself, one big step, that is a small action, in the grand scheme of things, at a time. I can't believe I ever wanted to die.
τ > π wrote: Sat Dec 12, 2020 9:24 pmПесня красивая.
It is a beautiful song. I can read with a dictionary, and I like listening to some songs, whose lyrics I learn.
Do tell me, always, in what way I'm not good.. I'm not used to silent tolerance.
liberté, égalité, muliebrité
τ > π wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:57 amOnward! To our selves. To the future.

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Seannery
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Re: Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by Seannery » Wed Dec 16, 2020 4:57 pm

Yeah.. wishful thinking, or her memory's finally going: I tried easing into it, started saying about how some persons' brains expect different bodily features, and that that may cause them distress---she seemed accepted that fine; I mentioned there are persons who'd react violently against persons of this type---of her own initiative, she condemned transphobes (not that she used that word) as mentally unsound. She asked why I brought it up, and I mentioned that there was someone `like that' who she might be interacting with soon, so to see if she'd be safe. She said she didn't want anything to do with that kind of person---that they aren't even persons. I was ready to leave right then, but I sat it out for inconspicuity; she called, later, and I almost insisted on `politely respecting her wishes' against talking to `that kind of person'---thought better not; hopefully she really did forget, or her denial buries the fact soon.
Do tell me, always, in what way I'm not good.. I'm not used to silent tolerance.
liberté, égalité, muliebrité
τ > π wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:57 amOnward! To our selves. To the future.

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Seannery
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Re: Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by Seannery » Tue Jan 05, 2021 4:06 am

I not know how to me formulate. I know it only soon. Seannery was most kind human out from my acquaintances. I know now he wrote to me his gender identity. He wrote to me write here something.

Rest in peace, Seannery.

Please forgive any errors grammar. I translated to words from native tongue.
Do tell me, always, in what way I'm not good.. I'm not used to silent tolerance.
liberté, égalité, muliebrité
τ > π wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:57 amOnward! To our selves. To the future.

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FirebirdNC
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Re: Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by FirebirdNC » Wed Jan 06, 2021 3:52 pm

Did Seannery die or are you saying that Seannery is a new person? Sorry I'm confused.
~Insert clever bon mot here~

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Seannery
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Re: Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by Seannery » Thu Jan 07, 2021 11:38 pm

died
Do tell me, always, in what way I'm not good.. I'm not used to silent tolerance.
liberté, égalité, muliebrité
τ > π wrote: Fri Nov 27, 2020 2:57 amOnward! To our selves. To the future.

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FirebirdNC
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Real Name: Jennifer
Gender: Female
Location: Hatteras,NC

Re: Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by FirebirdNC » Fri Jan 08, 2021 12:24 pm

So sorry to hear that. My condolences on the loss of your friend.
~Insert clever bon mot here~

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Rorschach
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Re: Layer:00 - DRAFT

Post by Rorschach » Fri Jan 22, 2021 8:44 am

Hey the late Seannery. What's going on with you, my dude? Everything okay?
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