Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

[Rorschach]

No need to apologise on that score, Tammy. This board was, is, and will long continue to be a place where people unburden themselves.
We used to have a journals forum that was just chock-full of that very thing. I cringe when I think of some of the poems I put up there.

I've always misunderstood 'misery loves company' I think. I'm not sure it's as vindictive as I always believed. I don't think misery tries to spread itself. I think misery just likes knowing it's not alone.

Or we can talk about sticking it in her pooper. We also do that. We're a lot of things to different people.

[Doc Giggles]

He's right. We have always been a group that supports each other in the good times, and the bad.

[Martin Blank]

Congratulations and sympathy, Tammy. You're welcome to share what you're comfortable with, and keep close what you're not. We have also created a new place for those in transition to talk privately (I just posted the sticky on it) if there are things you want to share just not totally in public. Say what you need to say, do what you need to do.

[auntmousie]

Time rolls forward and I have a sadness tinged positivity, with SouthPacific's HappyTalk playing in my head.

I find myself both happy and sad for you. I'm sad that the relationship couldn't survive you being you - but happy that you're able to be you. At the end of the day that has to be better than living a lie... but I suppose that's easier for me to say.

[TammyJess]

If I seem to have gone quiet, I have—but it's okay, there's just nothing new to report, nothing momentous to share.
Well, silly stuff... online shopping as Jessi, setting up a support group of girl friends in the online game I have spent many hours in over the last two+ years, there at least I was female from day-one.. not out, just female, and passing. Raging at the inequity of PayPal demanding 'Legal Name' etc, it's jarring to see "Jeremy" when you identify as "Jess" or "Jessi".
But, really, nothing warranting sharing on its own.
The journey continues, with a theme song: "... If you don't have a dream, how are you going to make a dream come true? ..."

[BtEO]

From what I hear getting PayPal to change your name is a special hell, one of those things you do after solving the easy stuff like world hunger.

[Sodana]

To be honest: At first I wanted to register just to say basically the same thing this topic was created for.
Then the struggle began. Who would register? My past self, my new self? And what ist my new self in the first place? I thought about that a lot. Talked to my best friend about it. Introduced my new self to my girlfriend. Opened this board again, found this topic and was happy not being the only one the story woke up. Thought further. Threw myself into a financial desaster about getting what I wanted to get. I'm a common woman in terms of shopping, always have been and never found the courage to tell anybody about it. Not that over a dozen amazon wishlistst with over a dozen of articles each wouldn't reveal that anyway. I've always been jealous about what women can wear that's forbidden for men. Skirts, dresses, highheels, makeup. The funny part is: Being a gothic boy at least opened the makeup for me while visiting clubs. And I was proud about being the boy who was asked first about makeup because every girl knew, no matter what they needed, I had it on me. That was 15 years ago, when I was 16, when I had my first girlfriend, when I first met a transwoman. Back in those days a friend joked about me being a transwoman too, considering the very female way I acted and was equipped (the makeup, you know). I defended my manhood, telling her that even if I where a transwoman I would be glad to be born as man since I like women and that way it's easier to find a partner. I didn't know how to tell the difference. Did I feel male, or was it just the way of conditioning I experienced?
I know now. Mae opened my eyes about myself by telling how she opened her own eyes. Right now four persons know about me. My best friend, als told before. She'll probably be my doctor if I really do the transition (Who am I kidding? I'm scarred af but I will not stop because of that). My girlfriend who isn't comfortable with it but after 9 years of our relationship she likes the human, not a bodypart that just so happens to be between my legs. And Mae and LIz who received a mail from me a few weeks ago. I asked for help how to tell my girlfriend. Liz knew the other side of that dialogue so I thought she could help me. Well, according to the comic my girlfriend was able to handle that way better while Liz wasn't half as destructive. My girlfriends first reaction was "The first time I see you in a dress I'm gone". I said okay, that I won't cut off anything right away and that I'll give her the time she needs. A funny saying since I was wearing a "lumber-beard", as someone at work called it, that was already gone during that phonecall. Yes, I told her via phone because we're currently living 100km apart; I had a job opportunity here and she is keeping her job over there 'til I built us a foundation. After a week while we both acted as always (she because she was scared and me because I'm basically the same person as before) she took the conversaion back to this topic, telling me that she will need time before she would show herself beside me in public. I told her that before we could go out as two women I would need to actually show her my female side which will probably need quilte some time too. She took it as a kind gesture, not understanding how hard it was to actually confess my shattered self-image to her in the first place.

The very first thing I did was shaving. Not just the face but every part except my head. That part I left for my mother (a trained barber) who, ironically, was happy to cut down the long hair I was wearing since I was 14. If she knew I already ordered three wigs to hide my very high forehead and just wanted to have short hair to avoid complications wearing them. The second part was opening wish to order all kinds of stuff (wigs, silicone pads, dresses and alike). 'til then I avoided that site because of the way it's built, a women-trap that doesn't sell anything interesting for me. Everything I'm wearing right now I got there and I didn't feel as relaxed as now for a long time.
Yesterday was my, as "her", first day out. Just going for a walk, relevant spaces in the dress filled with silicone pads, so at least nobody could identify a man under the fabric. And beside being nervous like before my first kiss I felt free like never before.

So yeah. Mae, OP, we're alike. We all where pretending to be men 'til something woke us up.
Sodana is a name I created 15 years ago. I created multiple names for a story I wanted to write (i never even finished a single chapter) and it felt fitting to chose a name from the story my (til now) usual nickname was created for. I hope my introduction didn't scare you. If you want to know more about my milestones I'll probably write them here anyway, as long as you don't shoo me away