Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Talk about today's strip, or anything about the comic in general. You can also talk about any of the characters... but don't expect a response. They're FICTIONAL, you guys... sheesh. :)
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Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by alatar1313 » Thu Jul 23, 2020 12:05 pm

Hi,

I used to read the comic years ago but thought it had stopped? I saw it posted to a friend's facebook page on Friday and checked it out. And well I read Jun29-Jul17. The series is so beautiful and just felt so true. I must have read it like 25 times. It pretty much turned my life inside out for a little while there. I still honestly can't believe it was a webcomic that made me finally look at myself seriously rather than continuing to put all my feelings in my repression corner that I've been piling stuff into since I was 9 years old. But, even though I'm still absolutely terrified and haven't been able to sleep for an hour or two at a time in the past week, I feel like I'm finally moving forward for the first time in my 34 years on this planet. So, I just wanted to say with a newly found depth of heartfelt sincerity:

Thank You, Mae.

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by Rorschach » Sat Jul 25, 2020 8:32 am

Hello
Obviously I'm not Mae but I wanted to wish you well on your journey, wherever it takes you. Even those of us who can't directly relate are learning every day about this issue and I'm really so glad we have a few new members who have found a place to talk.
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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by TeddyMarinaro » Sat Jul 25, 2020 11:33 pm

Hey alatar1313, I'm in the same boat as you! I swear the posts since June 29th have hit me like a ton of bricks.... but in a good way? Like, it was a point-for-point destruction of my past identity showing me for who I really am, and I'm super psyched to see more of us out there!

By the by, what's helped me has been talking it out, with people I love, people who have gone before us and people whose job it is to help us figure this out. Not gonna lie, my favorite response so far has been from my therapist who told me "I had a feeling you were since we started". If you need someone to talk to who is in the same exact boat (33 Transfem) with regards to being caught off guard but are figuring it out, feel free to message me!

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by Nerys » Sun Jul 26, 2020 7:19 pm

Yes, thank you. I hatched on July 22nd with your help and I am so very grateful. The June 29th and July 17th issues were shared in my FB feed and they really clarified somethings for me. I'd seen the "ugly girl" quote before, but the way Mae responded to actually applying it to herself hit home and started the ball rolling in my brain.

I've asked myself the question for years, but I always had a bunch of reasons to identify as non-binary, rather than a woman. There's no way I'll ever "pass" (I'm 6'4" with the bone structure to go with it, lol), I'd invading/appropriating women's spaces, I needed to be an example of positive masculinity, I needed to be a good ally to women, the discrimination and danger I will face, etc., never mind how much of an expensive, exhausting pain in the ass this is all going to be, rofl. These were the things I told myself to justify not letting myself recognize the truth. But when I finally gave myself permission to be honest with myself Wednesday morning, I felt the weight of the decades of dysphoria evaporate. I can't remember feeling this amount of peaceful serenity in my life.

So thank you. I can't even begin to say how incredible your comic has been. It has changed my life and the lives of others. It is something powerful and important you did, and you should be proud of your accomplishment. Thank you for lending your hand sister, and helping pull me out of so much pain and grief. I will never be able to repay you for that blessing.

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by alatar1313 » Sun Jul 26, 2020 7:54 pm

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one this comic cracked! I still feel soooo stupid for not realizing it before. The quote that really totally shattered my egg to the point where I couldn't put it back together was Jul 13's "I'd bet the average person thinks about being the opposite gender with about as much mental energy as they wonder what it might be like to be a lamp post." Like I wasn't walking around thinking "oh yeah cis people totally think about this stuff every day" - it was more of just a passive feeling that I wasn't weird so everyone else must be doing it.

So yeah, it's been a long road since Jul 17 when I first read it, but I'm all in now. I can't go back in my egg. I tried. It failed. I've accepted myself for who I am and have begun to move forward. Out to all my friends and family (3.5 page facebook post about my experience lol). Counselling appointment 8/6. Ready to take on the world (most of the time). I seriously can't even begin to express my gratitude.

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by auntmousie » Sun Jul 26, 2020 9:05 pm

Nerys wrote: Sun Jul 26, 2020 7:19 pm These were the things I told myself to justify not letting myself recognize the truth. But when I finally gave myself permission to be honest with myself Wednesday morning, I felt the weight of the decades of dysphoria evaporate. I can't remember feeling this amount of peaceful serenity in my life.
Welcome Nerys!

A bit of free advice: Hold on to that feeling with both hands and don't let go. The next couple years will be hard. It eventually gets easier, but it's never quite easy. There will be days, even ten or fifteen years from now (ask me how I know this) when the only thing that will keep you going is remembering that feeling.

You've got two inches on me, but I absolutely know where you're coming from on the body issues side. But, here's a secret it took me a while to get: literally every woman on earth has body issues. There is not one woman alive who is 100% happy with her body. So, it's totally okay to be not totally happy with yours either.

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by alatar1313 » Mon Jul 27, 2020 9:40 am

Nerys wrote: Sun Jul 26, 2020 7:19 pmBut when I finally gave myself permission to be honest with myself Wednesday morning, I felt the weight of the decades of dysphoria evaporate. I can't remember feeling this amount of peaceful serenity in my life.
So much this. Just the most amazing feeling of weight lifted off my shoulders. Could finally see things clearly. It's going to be a long and difficult road ahead, but now we have a path out of the mire. We can handle it!

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by TammyJess » Wed Jul 29, 2020 4:16 am

adding my "+1". This story arc has been, and continues to be cathartic, inspirational and a source of wonder (a la "I wonder if I could ..."). I'm excited to see how it all pans out, and hope for nothing less than the absolute happiness for both Mae and Liz.

Living with/suppressing all my life. At 6'2", 54yo, hirsute etc etc, I'm never going to be who I want to be.

Knowing that I'm not alone in even these feelings doesn't help to fill the hole where my soul should be, doesn't help to unplug the fount of where my happiness might spring afresh from. But, perhaps, misery loves company — and there's faint solace in the knowledge that my journey is not unique.

Shouting out a "Hi" to the fellow travellers on our particular peculiar path.

Maybe counselling will be in my future, maybe more. Maybe I can throw away a life's journey and start afresh. But the doubt is strong, the spirit is weakened, the obstacles insurmountable.

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by alatar1313 » Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:02 am

Hey TammyJess! Just wanted to jump in and let you know that, in case you haven't looked into it that much, that there are plenty of people in your age group who have transitioned to all sorts of varying degrees. Transitioning isn't required, but judging from your post, it seemed like you were considering it. I saw a great story from a 69 year old woman who transitioned and just about cried because, if she can do it, anyone can.

Also, there's a whole subreddit for people transitioning later in life called /r/TransLater. I haven't gotten on it personally, but I did see it. There are also plenty of other great groups over on reddit that have been extremely supportive while I've been figuring all this out. Counseling does definitely seem like a good path though. I have my first appointment booked for 8/6.

I've been a big fan of this particular proverb and it's taken on new meaning for me: the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best time to plant a tree is right now. Well, I've planted me tree. You have the seeds. I'll let you make your own decision, but know you have the love and support of a huge community of people at your side. Other than that, best of luck, fellow traveler.

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by TammyJess » Wed Jul 29, 2020 7:56 am

Thanks for taking the time to write a reply to me, I really appreciate it.
alatar1313 wrote: Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:02 am ... I saw a great story from a 69 year old woman who transitioned and just about cried because, if she can do it, anyone can.
... Also, there's a whole subreddit for people transitioning later in life called /r/TransLater...
... Counselling does definitely seem like a good path though...
... The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago; the second best time to plant a tree is right now ...
I love the proverb! I haven't seen/heard that one before and it has resonance. Thank you. OMG so many trees not planted.
I will definitely lurk through that subreddit, hopefully will find the cowardly lion's heart lying within, as if a 69yo can transition, then maybe my tree can also be planned/planted now or in the future... 'Twould be a shock and an enduring sadness to have my will read out and discover the only wish is a close shave/waxing, great make-up and a pretty dress. Deborah Harry said it well in "Die young, stay pretty" — tragedy in your own dream, waiting at the bus stop all your life etc

Counselling has been a regular trespasser in my mind for months now, not so much because of the overt thoughts brought about by the revelatory "If you’re under the assumption that you’re a cis guy but have always dreamed of being a girl, and the only reason you haven’t transitioned is because you’re afraid you’ll be an “ugly” girl: That’s dysphoria. You’re literally a trans girl already, hon" (that still manages to choke me up e v e r y t i m e), than an increasing certainty that I need to know "why I have the thoughts, feelings, desires I have" and "how can I make them stop, so i can be normal". I've previously gone as far as researching sympathetic practices, pre-covid, but never followed through. If it gives me clarity on 'possibilities' or — huzzah! — a 'next step' then perhaps it wouldn't be a waste of money/time.

Having spilled my guts directly to Mae and Liz (sorry! omg, I'm so sorry to have thrust that upon them), I have now the actual words that could begin the dialogue with a professional. Side note, my initial thought was this story-arc was a recent-past rather than an ongoing now. I pray for the former, not the latter, for if not then I have may done more harm where none was intended.

Bleeding in public, I have disdain for being witness to it... but here I am guilty of much much worse. (Alan Parsons/Pat Benatar "don't let it show").

Thank you for your kind words and support, profuse apologies (to everyone!) .. and when there's something positive to share, this will likely be the first forum I reveal in.

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by Martin Blank » Wed Jul 29, 2020 9:27 pm

Not to take away from r/TransLater or any other resources, but we're working on something for here, too. It will be announced in the next couple of days. We hope that it will provide another opportunity for the community to help its members.
If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there.

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by TammyJess » Sat Aug 01, 2020 5:00 am

Egg cracked (if that's what it means?)
Sat down and had the "Talk" with my partner of 14 years. Didn't go well, but could have been much worse.
Only time will tell if our friendship will last, it's a *lot* to drop on someone and there isn't a light gentle way to do that. Talk about trading one uncertain future for another. Things just got "real".
She knew about some things, had allowed me my space to be me, just so long as I didn't do it in front of her. I've promised baby-steps, to take it slow, but she knows who/what I am now... and we both know that's not what she signed up for.
... tentative steps towards a real life ...
searching for the seeds to a tree that should have been planted a lifetime ago

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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by Rorschach » Sat Aug 01, 2020 10:25 am

A really gutsy move, Tammy. I wish you well.
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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by auntmousie » Sat Aug 01, 2020 5:19 pm

TammyJess wrote: Sat Aug 01, 2020 5:00 am Egg cracked (if that's what it means?)
Sat down and had the "Talk" with my partner of 14 years. Didn't go well, but could have been much worse.
Only time will tell if our friendship will last, it's a *lot* to drop on someone and there isn't a light gentle way to do that. Talk about trading one uncertain future for another. Things just got "real".
She knew about some things, had allowed me my space to be me, just so long as I didn't do it in front of her. I've promised baby-steps, to take it slow, but she knows who/what I am now... and we both know that's not what she signed up for.
Another phrase you may come across is "spilled my T."

I hope it works out for you. Hopefully she'll come to realize that you're still the very same you that she fell in love with - if anything, more authentically so now that you're able to be open about this part of you.
When all is said and done, more is generally said than is done.
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Re: Just wanted to say thanks, Mae!

Post by TammyJess » Sun Aug 02, 2020 7:18 am

update .. update .. update!
(where did I pick that phrase up from?)

Things will NOT work out. We might remain friends but on a scale of 1 to 10, my lady love is 100% against being with any girl.

I can exist in my shell, but the admonition to not do *anything* to bring her attention to my inner nature is resolute.
So even a single painted nail is too much, too confronting, too 'visible'. I got a begrudging and hard-fought "okay" to get my ears pierced (both! with further negotiation), but 'manly' studs only. Little black discs are likely my go-to, no emeralds yet.

So, one of the 'it's complicated' is no longer. Some might argue that both are.

The good news is that once we've sold the house, split any left-over dividends from paying down the mortgage, we could still be friends. As in I could take us shopping as girlfriends, and I'll get a "yes, your arse looks fat in that". I'm taking that as a definite 'maybe' rather than reality... but time will tell. The finality is "I fully support your honesty and will be here for you, but we can't be a couple". Ultimately, I lose the closeness with someone that I have and continue to have an enduring love for. A love i could never express or vocalise in the way she wanted — in terms of man&woman — but with my T having been spiit, a love that is now freely admitted.

Time rolls forward and I have a sadness tinged positivity, with SouthPacific's HappyTalk playing in my head.

Oh, and it occurs to apologise, as I'm treating this forum as an ongoing bucket to tip my experience into. Muzzle me when warranted or if the dialogue is unwelcome. Someone has to tell me!
... tentative steps towards a real life ...
searching for the seeds to a tree that should have been planted a lifetime ago

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